Family of Four

I have never been too much of an emotional person.  Having a child has brought out more emotion in me but I still would not classify myself as an emotional person.  I remember growing up and my mom would cry at just about any movie that would come and we would all quietly laugh and roll our eyes at her.  With that said, I think that having your own children changes your perspective and you internalize things much more which in the end makes you a bit more emotional.  I still don't think I am super emotional but having a child has changed me a bit in that sense. I take back all those times I made fun of my mom... Thinking about the fact that these have been the last few days as a threesome has really brought some various feelings to the surface. I'm so incredibly excited to meet our little girl. At the same time it's bittersweet that it won't just be Avery anymore.  The last three years (almost) have been devoted to 100% Avery time from just about everyone and making that move to adding another child is exciting and yet overwhelming all at the same time.  Moving forward there will be another little life in our house and our attention will have to be split between the two of them. I just pray for the strength and patience to manage motherhood with two. I want my kids to always feel emotionally provided for. I don't ever want one to feel more important than the other.

Tonight was the last night that I will put Avery to bed without this little one here.  It was the last night that she is a only child and the last night that I won't be pre-occupied with another little life in the house.  It truly was bittersweet.  I wanted to lay there with her after we sang our Ariel song and did our prayers but as usual, Avery and her quirky little self wanted me to go and said "if you lay here your going to starve"  Not sure of the correlation there but she didn't want me in there any longer than her normal routine.  I wanted to lay in there and snuggle with her for as long as she would let me but I was kicked out:(

I'm sure all of these emotions are completely normal and I am also convinced that when she gets here I won't even remember what life was like before the two of them, but for now I have to be honest with myself and admit that I'm a little nervous to be a Mom again. I hope I remember how to care for a newborn. I hope the nursing goes well.  I hope that Avery instantly becomes a loving and patient big sister and we don't have too many temper tantrums for attention. I hope she falls in love with her sister like I fell in love the moment that I laid eyes on her.  I know that there will be some transition and I know that Avery's world as she knows it is about to be rocked but I just pray that I can do everything in my power to make this a smooth transition and make her see that by adding this little one into our lives, we are only adding love to our family and not taking anything away.

My pregnancy with Avery was really easy and this one seems like it has been the longest pregnancy ever and I just can't wait to hold her, touch her, and take it all in. I remember when I had Avery just staring at her thinking how on earth was she just inside my belly.  Now I think to myself how will I ever love another child as much as I love my first child. When I look at Avery I just smile because the love between us is so pure and never ending. When I walk in the room her smile lights up and she is so excited to see me, or anyone for that matter.   Hearing her say I love you and I miss you just about melts my heart.  The way that she hold my hand is priceless.  I love that he is so full of life and is something special. I am sure that it will be love at first sight but until that time comes, its a scary thought.  I really can't wait to meet her and see what she looks like?  Will she look anything like me because as we all know, my first child looks nothing like me with the exception of one dimple!

Having two girls is very exciting for me since I am so happy Avery will have a sister.  I love having a sister and I am excited to see the bond that these two will share.  Daddy is more than outnumbered but I am sure that he has come to terms with it.  Being around girls is a fact of life that he will have to get used to.

To be a Mother again is so incredibly exciting but also a little nerve wracking    I just can't wait to feel that bond, the overwhelming amount of love in your heart, that connection between your spouse that you brought a life into this world and how incredibly proud you are to be their parent.  I am very thankful that I am able to carry a child and be a mother and provide for my children.  Until we meet little one....